But nothing has been harder than recently losing my best friend, my dog Buddy. I’ve been grieving since he was euthanized for non-stop seizures.

This article is my way to remember him and talk about how amazing he was. May this also help anyone else grieving the loss of their pet.

Losing a pet: grieving the loss of a pet after euthanasia

It has been 11 days since I had to put my dog to sleep.

I’m better than the first few days after losing him, but I am far from okay. Not having him in my life has left a hole in my heart and I’ll never be the same.

I sometimes look to the right of me on my couch and expect to see him there. It was raining last night and for a moment I thought I heard him drinking from his water bowl.

The words that best describe my feelings right now are loneliness and sadness.

Over the weekend before I lost him, I took Buddy for some long walks. He enjoyed the walks but then he always enjoyed being with me. I never left him alone for more than 5 hours the entire time I was blessed to have him in my life.

Losing my dog and my best friend at the same time

What can I say? He was more than just my dog. He truly was my best and only true friend. How can you deal with something like that?

I took him camping with me every year to Assateague Island in Maryland, Although he absolutely hated being in a car, he did love the outdoors. But then, what dog doesn’t love roaming around outside and smelling everything that they can.

Even though I would bring a beach blanket for him, he would always lay directly on the sand. He would constantly get sand on his lips and nose. It’s too bad I never got a photo of that.

I have a camping trip to Assateague scheduled in early October and I’m not sure if I want to go without him. But that is a few months away, and I’ll make that decision when the date approaches.

A little about my dog Buddy and why he was so special

Let me share the best things I remember about him:

1. He was extremely friendly to dogs and people, but he seemed to prefer people.
2. He was great with my cats, especially my cat Little Rascal who would follow him throughout my place.
3. I would put blankets on my couch because of his skin condition (he was smelly), but he would always push them onto the floor. Thanks, dude!
4. He had an extremely powerful tail. It would hurt if he hit you in the leg with it. Everyone would remark how much it hurt.
5. One time he hit my cat Charlie with his tail and that was a mistake. She swiped at him and she was not declawed. After that, when Queen Charlie would walk down the hallway, he would get scared and move out of her way. He was so gentle and wouldn’t harm anyone or anything.
6. A few years ago he got attacked by another Staffordshire Terrier. The dog sunk its teeth into his shoulder. He never cried out the whole time that I and the owner were beating the other dog. I finally pushed my thumbs into the dog’s throat which got him to release his bite from my dog. I’m sure he was looking up at me the whole time to help him.
7. Over a year after the attack, we met a woman and her dog. The woman remarked, “Look, your dog is looking at you to see if it is okay to meet my dog”. He wanted me to assure him that it was okay, that he would be safe. I feel so bad that I hadn’t noticed that much earlier. After that, I would always tell him “It’s okay”.

They are the main wonderful traits and behaviors of Buddy. He was also a darn good looking boy!

When to put your dog down

When it comes to when YOU should put your dog down, the answer is I don’t know. I don’t know your dog, his\her health condition or your financial situation, I can only share my story. You’ll have to figure out when the time is right for your dog, but I believe you will now when.

Around 5:00 PM on Monday, June 10th, my dog Buddy would not stop scratching. I yelled at him to stop which made him go lie down on the couch in the backroom. I feel like a monster yelling at him a day before he died – I’m so sorry Buddy.

For the last 5-6 years, he has had a horrible skin condition. Five different vets couldn’t identify the problem but steroids, antibiotics, and antibacterial medicines always made him better. But it only took a few months until the skin issues reappeared.

Prolonged steroid use is a problem, so a new vet suggested just the antibiotics and antibacterial medicine. That was mid-April of this year. He looked good by the time the pills ran out.

Once his medicine was gone I was supposed to schedule another appointment for a reevaluation and refills of the prescriptions. But then my cat Little Rascal started showing problems. He started eating voraciously, then he stopped eating altogether.

I took Little rascal to the vet on May 10th and then again the following day when I had to euthanize him. He had a massive growth near his abdomen (he was only 8 years old). Little Rascal loved my dog.

Little Rascal’s vet visits left me very short on funds. That prevented me from scheduling a vet appointment to refill Buddy’s prescriptions. I think the lack of steroids is what enabled the bacterial and fungal affections to either go to his brain or into his blood causing the seizures.

I didn’t know that the skin condition that he had for the past 5 years could create the seizures. But it was my lack of money that may have resulted in his death because I did not renew the prescriptions for him. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for that.

His final hours

So at approximately 5:30 I heard a ruckus in the backroom. I went to take a look at what Buddy was doing and I saw that he had fallen off the couch and was having a major seizure. It seemed to last for many minutes and I did all I could to prevent him from hurting himself. It was a terrifying experience.

A former dog walking client of mine gave me a ride to the vet. He actually helped carry Buddy up the steps to the entrance. After their initial check of him, they gave me some pills to hopefully stop the seizures.

I decided to walk him home but it was difficult going. He kept turning his head to the right and then pulling to the right. It was like he just suffered a stroke. The same rhythmic looking to the right and then pulling to the right. It was not like he wanted to go right, but that he involuntarily kept turning that way. I can’t explain it any better than that.

He ended up vomiting his night meal along with the pill. I grabbed what was left of the pill and put it in his mouth though he resisted.

But he kept having seizures. I gave him another pill in the middle of the night but the seizures wouldn’t stop. It was horrible to see him go through that and I knew what it meant, though I still hoped the pills would help.

From late night to the end

He kept stumbling into things between seizures, so I locked him in the backroom and safety proofed the area. I couldn’t bear seeing him that way. He was walking in circles, crashing into every object and other strange behaviors.

Then I tried to get some sleep, though I only slept a few hours. At about sunrise, I noticed that he had not moved from a particular spot in the backroom. He wasn’t walking around anymore, instead, he was just laying on the floor either having more seizures or constantly shaking.

The sequence of events was a major seizure, then a short break in seizures, then more seizures, then stroke-like behavior, vomiting his meal, then constant seizures followed by total confusion, and finally immobility.

I didn’t see him getting better when he seemed to just be getting worse. It was time to put my dog to sleep – to end his suffering.

I got a ride from another client to the vet and I had to carry Buddy from my place to the car, and then again into the vet.

I was with him when his suffering ended. It was about noon on Tuesday, June 4th. He was somewhere between 10 and 11 years old but I know he had a few years left in him at least.

When should you put your dog down? You’ll know when.

You will know when the time is right but hopefully not by experiencing what I experienced. And hopefully, not having your dog experience what my dog did in the last 18 hours of his life.

The Rainbow Bridge poem

It was either after when my cat Charlie died or when Squeaks died that I was searching for something about coping with the loss of a pet. That is when I found a website with the Rainbow Bridge poem. I lost it when I first read it. Here is it:

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water, and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

The author is unknown so feel free to copy the text and paste it into a word document if you want. You go read it when you are thinking of the pet you lost. And if the pet you lost was a female, then you can change the words “his” and “he” in the 3rd paragraph to “her” and “she”.

Sources of help and suggested rituals

If the rainbow bridge poem does not console you after losing a pet, then here are some resources and ideas that might.

You could do an online search for “pet loss support group near me” to see if there are any support groups in your area. Also try “pet grief counseling near me”, “pet grief support group near me”, “pet loss counseling near me” and other similar search terms.

I also found two great websites that have a list of other websites that list pet loss support groups and resources. The first is Best Friends and the other is Lap of Love.

Or you could try some of the things that I did.

First: Try writing down all you can about the pet that you lost. I believe writing in such a situation is very therapeutic. Plus it will record things that you may forget as time goes by.

Second: I meditated with a white candle and a photo of Buddy and thought only about him and the things we experienced together.

Third: Print any or all of the photos of your pet. I go thru my photo album to look at Squeaks and Charlie. I’ll be adding images of Little Rascal and Buddy to that album, and I’ll put their photos next to each other since they were so close.

Fourth: Reenact your favorite activities that you did with the pet you lost. My ritual is in the final section below.

What I’ve learned after losing a pet and how I am now

I’ve learned that I will not adopt any other pets until my financial situation is such that I will always be able to provide for their medical needs.

How am I now? Far from okay.

In general, the longest walks for Buddy were his night walks around 6:30 PM. He had a handful of places that were his favorites.

His absolute favorite was the little park near the pet store because he knew I would often take him to the store. He loved walking down the aisle that had the rawhide and bones. I can’t believe he never just bit into one and started chewing.

Here is the ritual I am doing now. Since he was euthanized, many nights I have taken a walk to his favorite spots and always with his collar either in my pocket or in my hand.

I’m sure life will get in the way sometimes, but I have no intention of ever stopping those walks and always with his collar with me.

And I’m trying to change my thoughts, words, and actions to be more like him since in so many ways he was better than me. I’m, going to start asking myself some questions as I go through each day:

“What would Buddy do?”
“How would Buddy feel?”

If I can model myself after my dog then I’ll end up becoming the best version of myself.

I love and miss you Buddy and I’m sorry for everything. Sorry for not being able to save you and sorry for not always treating you the way that you deserved. Please forgive me!

I’ll talk to you tonight Buddy – when we go on our night walk.

The post Losing A Pet: Having To Put My Dog To Sleep appeared first on Fairmount Pet Service.

This is not a perfectly written post which you can tell from the abundance of bullet points. The post is about remembering an amazing cat and detailing everything that happened.

My cat’s behavior leading up to euthanizing him

My cat’s name was Little Rascal.

When I first adopted him, he would constantly climb up curtains or jump from my mountain bike onto the top of the refrigerator. I would always hear things falling or see him pulling down the curtains.

So his name fit him quite well. He was small and continually causing little problems. He eventually calmed down.

Forgive me if the structure of the post is poor with all the bullet points. I’m just getting my thoughts out and I’m still emotional from the event a few days ago.

Here are the things that I noticed:

• He became very hungry a few weeks before I took him to the vet. I thought it was because he was not eating his dry food and so wanted more wet food.
• I started feeding him wet food twice a day instead of once and I doubled the portion size as well.
• He then started eating my other cat’s wet food and even my dog’s food.
• He was voraciously eating cat treats (Temptations brand) all the time.
• I also noticed that he was throwing up more often. He was a domestic medium hair so it was common to find him coughing up fur balls.

Then his eating and behavior patterns again changed during the last week of his life:

• He stopped eating his Fancy Feast wet food so I switched to high moisture brands with real chunks of fish.
• I bought a can of albacore tuna and would give him a small bowl of milk.
• He was not moving around much. He would either be under my couch when I was sitting there or under a table by the front door.
• A few times I found him under my bed, but that was it. He wasn’t wandering the place as usual.
• He was not playing with my other cat, following my dog or sitting on the window sill.
• Even the cat treats were no longer appetizing.
• I had to put his plate of wet food right in front of him. He would sniff the food but then not eat.

Those are all the things I noticed before I took him to the vet on a Friday afternoon. I believe the only water he was getting was from the wet food and milk.

I could not tell that he had lost a lot of weight because of his long fur. I’m not sure if he was sleeping or not – my guess is that he wasn’t.

What the vet found and explained to me

The vet noticed a lot of problems:

• One of his teeth was quite loose, but that wasn’t the main problem.
• It was obvious that he was not drinking because his fur and skin were not springing back when pulled up.
• The doctor found a large mass, or growth of some kind, near his kidneys. It was a couple of inches long and about an inch wide. That was the main problem, which he believed was cancer.

Then he told me the mass was probably affecting his appetite. I told him that Little Rascal was ravenous a few weeks before. He mentioned that was because the mass of cancer was making him eat more to feed the tumor. Like it had a mind of its own.

So it looks like he had a large cancerous tumor that decreased his urge to eat.

The vet gave him fluids and sent me home with his medicine. He believed that he may bounce back but that I most likely would only have a few more weeks.

He thought my cat might respond to the fluids and medicine and may start eating again but to let him know if his condition didn’t improve.

The medicine did not help as he was still not eating. But I got one more day with him. I took him into my yard and let him explore the plants while I photographed him. And his best friend was with him, my dog Buddy.

But that is the best I could do for him – to let him sniff the world outside and to pal around with my dog. Then I had to take him back to the vet to put him to sleep.

The process of putting my cat to sleep

The cost of euthanizing my cat was very affordable – around $120. I had to sign some paperwork and pay my bill. That way I could just walk out when it was time to go. Here are his final moments:

• They put a catheter in his front leg.
• The doc gave him a shot that made him fall asleep instantly.
• Then he was given the “shot”. The vet pushed on the plunger and that was it.
• I was left alone with him for a few minutes where I spoke to him, pet him and kissed him on the forehead a number of times.

The final shot supposedly causes death either within 30 seconds to a minute or two. I think I was there long enough for him to pass, but I wasn’t in an observant state of mind. It was his spirit that I was speaking to. I wanted him to know that I was there and that I loved him.

I noticed his eyes wouldn’t close and they seemed to be full of fluids. My eyes were filled with fluids as well.

After a few minutes, I went home.

Final thoughts (and regrets) on putting my cat to sleep

I was thinking I should have brought my dog Buddy with me. Little Rascal loved him and always followed him around my place. He probably would have liked that.

I’m not sure how Buddy is doing, but my other cat Luna keeps looking for Little Rascal. She has been crying a lot so I think she misses him. I’ve been giving her a lot of extra attention.

I regret that I did not notice much earlier how bad he was.

I regret that I lacked the financial resources to possibly give him more time and with less pain.

I regret that I could not save him.

If you need to put your cat to sleep, then you or another family member should be with him, or her, at the end. You will be emotional – deal with it. Don’t shirk this responsibility or you will regret it.

I had a day to prepare for it and to get some photos of him. And he got some quality time sniffing all the plants in the yard.

I am glad I was with him at the end as there was no way I would have wanted him to be alone.

I am glad that he found his pet best friend in my goofy dog.

I am glad that I adopted him because he was so friendly and he enriched my life.

His name was Little Rascal and he had just turned 8 years old when he had to be put to sleep. What the hell, man? That is too young to get cancer.

May his eternal spirit find peace and solace!

The post Putting A Cat To Sleep: How I Dealt With It appeared first on Fairmount Pet Service.